Welcome to February.  Where has the first month gone?  My goal for the year to simplify life and take on fewer commitments seems to have gone awry.  I have taken committed to a few speaking engagements in the next few months so this blog is about the pre-speech.

20120626-223607.jpgThe night before a ‘talk’ and I’m starting to feel anxious; that knot in the pit of my stomach which threatens to burst if I think about it too much.

My notes are all prepared; no PowerPoint for me this time.  Just me stood in front of a group of people who apparently are eager to listen.

This one is a lunch and I’ve already refused to eat with them.  The autism which is part of me, avoids social functions if possible when small talk is involved.  Add in the after lunch speech, and my anxieties would have been sky high.

The train journey to London has gone too quickly; in a couple of hours the time will be upon me.  This time my husband is at the lunch; the first time he has seen or heard me speak in a professional capacity.

He goes off to lunch and leaves me in a hotel lounge with the train tickets… dangerous.  I was tempted to go home but decided instead to rearrange my notes.  Nothing like last minute changes.

I leave the hotel and head to the venue, only to find they are running late and not even eaten the main course yet.  So I quietly sit in a corner waiting, until eventually they try to persuade me to eat.  Anxiety once again sets in… Delays, expectations not fulfilled, being coerced into an uncomfortable and unfamiliar situation – everything an autistic individual tried to avoid.

Wish me luck.

Until next time